My Mother's Daughter

It's 3 months since Mummy passed away and we have just performed the dharna to transfer merits to her. During the prayers, all the tears and sadness returned.

In these 3 months, I find myself  looking for ways to keep her memory alive and close to me. Strangely, one of the things that I have been doing is to look inwards at myself. What have I inherited from her? How am I like her? I am, after all, my mother's daughter.

I have always felt that I looked like Mummy. But all the photos that I had seen did not show that. Even worse, the joke in the family was that I was adopted because I didn't look like anyone! Well, my feeling was proven right when I saw an old photo from my aunt. When I first saw the photo that my brother had posted on Facebook, I thought it was one of our old family photos. I thought the girl in the photo was me. But it was actually Mummy when she was a teenager! (And my brother insisted that he inherited her stance.)

So what else did I inherit from Mummy? There is always this debate about Nature vs Nurture. How much of what we are is taught and how much is innate? Is it only wishful thinking that I inherited Mummy's traits -  resourcefulness, creativity, efficiency, cleanliness, intuition, love for children and cooking? Mummy was all that and more.

Everyone knows how well Mummy cooks and raves about her cooking. Even today, when there's a gathering, we reminisce about her cooking. She cooked without a recipe and relied on her taste buds. Everything was 'agak agak'. Such was her talent and skill. Some things cannot be taught. Mummy definitely did not go to cooking school. She probably did not even help out in the kitchen. In fact, when she was young, she was so pampered that she would not have to wash dishes and got pretty much her own way.

Oh, the  things that Aunty Wimala told me when she was with me by Mummy's side at the hospital. Mummy was very defiant and loved to dress up. Once, she wanted to put on her new high heel shoes to school. But Grandma forbade her. So she put on  her usual white canvas shoes. But once she was at the bus stop, she would change into her high heel shoes and walk the rest of the way to school.

In my head, I can hear Mummy say "Shut up lah". That's what she used to say to Aunty Wimala when she was upset. Uncle Cyril also gave a hint of what Mummy was like when she was young. She liked  wearing her dresses short. Looking at all her old photos, you realise that Mummy was a real fashionista.

Mummy certainly was a free spirit and spoke her mind. I think that being pampered when she was young, she was used to getting her own way. As a mum, she was the best. No doubt about that. As Reverend Bhante said at the dharna on Saturday, mums are always special. No one will be able to cook like mum - nothing else tastes the same or as good as mum's cooking. And it's because of all the love that goes into the cooking. She doesn't cook for herself; she cooks for us. How true! I can't find anyone who cooks like Mummy. And I miss her and her cooking so much.

After the prayers, my son JJ came up to me and said that my cooking is the best. Yup, it's true, mum's cooking is always the best. Thank you, Mummy, for passing so much of yourself to me.